Pic taken by me today – one week old
I’m one week post partum and crying at the drop of a hat. Can’t find some of Jack’s toys, crying. Can’t attach the capsule to the pram, tears. Reading a birth card that begins with “if he wins your heart the moment that his tiny life begins, if he amuses you for hours with his giggles and his grins” and I couldn’t read it aloud any further without choking up. Ahhh hormones. Fun times. My poor husband.
I can’t believe it’s already been a week since Easton was born. Honestly, it’s been tougher than I thought. It’s amazing how quickly you forget the newborn days and how time consuming these dependant little babies are, how often they are feeding and the sleep deprivation. I say it’s tough because this time around I’m also wracked with guilt.
Why do I feel guilty? I’m spending so much time feeding, settling, changing and cuddling my newborn that I just don’t have enough of a balance between my two kids yet. Before Easton, Jack had 100% of my time. Now its breaking my heart when he tries to grab my hand to pull me away, or try to climb up for a cuddle and I have to tell him to be careful of the baby or that Mummy can’t play right now because I’m feeding, again! I love him so much and I miss being able to devote that much time to him, though I know it’ll get easier and that he won’t remember this time. Right now, his routine has remained the same but Easton and I don’t have one at all yet. His feeds are all over the place, as are his sleep times. Having said all that, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I feel so blessed to have them both. I call Jack my little miracle. We didn’t plan him. We had been married over 3 years and ready for a family in every sense of the word, we just hadn’t started actively ‘trying’ yet. One slip up and he was on his way and I look at him today and I get flooded with joy that this precious little soul is in our life. We couldn’t love him more. Easton we planned, and so far, he’s such a chilled out little dude. We call him Easy E and Jack calls him “E E”. He feeds brilliantly and is very settled in between them. He prefers to be held when he sleeps so that’s something I’ll have to work on but for now I love the sweet cuddles. I love that they are just over 2 years and a month apart. I’m so excited to watch them grow up together. Our fair haired Jack and our dark haired Easton.
My recovery has been wonderful compared to last time. I have a stitch from a minor first degree tear but haven’t required pain relief for it at all, though I was accepting it in hospital certain that pain had to come soon (it didn’t). In fact, if I’m honest, I’m probably overdoing it by walking around so much (as I can feel a bit worn out by the end of the day) and I keep getting reminded to rest but it just feels so good to feel so good!
My husband has impressed the socks off me this past week. He’s just done everything. He’s brilliant with Jack, he’s taken over all the housework, washing and dishes, he’s offering to make my breakfast, lunch and dinner and he gets up to Jack leaving Easton and I to sleep in as I am having all the sleepless nights. I couldn’t be more grateful for him and the 3 weeks off work he has. I’m hoping by the time he goes back to work I’ll have more of a sense of a routine.
So today marks the end of my first week as a mother-of-two. Love my little boys so much and guess what? I wrote all of this without getting teary. Yay me!